Landslide Lyndon
An introduction to the Brown Brothers, whose Texas construction company Brown & Root, struggles to figure out a way to legalize their expensive dam construction project that is already underway but has lost Congressional approval, and their man in Congress, Buck Buchanan, has suddenly died. With a little help from the corrupt former Texas Senator Alvin Wurtz, they find a new young candidate for Congress, who is desperate for money to fund his campaign, and willing to work for Brown and Brown in return: a young Lyndon Baines Johnson.
LYRICS
SCENE 9: DARK MONEY INT. BUSINESS OFFICE. AUSTIN TX. 1937. DAY
Sinister guitar riff for Dark Money starts. Lights up on an office. Barrels of oil are all around. Construction equipment. Through a window, a huge dam is under construction. Big sign reading “Brown Brothers Construction Company. Since 1919”.
HERMAN BROWN Good morning, George
GEORGE BROWN Good morning, Herma-
HERMAN BROWN No, it’s not! That dam’s going up too slowly!
GEORGE BROWN Herman, the workmen are barely sleeping... I think -
HERMAN BROWN
George, you’re not supposed to think! Remember... Mommy gave me the brains. And you got...
GEORGE BROWN (as if reciting)
The privilege of being your younger brother.
HERMAN BROWN
That’s right
SONG: “DARK MONEY”
HERMAN BROWN
How did we Brothers Brown
Find our way around
All the nasty regulations that they’ve got in this town?
Like how we can’t just dump smoke in the sky?
And we can’t build our dam too high?
GEORGE BROWN Well
HERMAN BROWN (putting his hand over George’s mouth)
We find the aged men
Who with a paper and pen
Make exceptions for us if and only and when
We give them a reason but that’s not the end...
You thank them, George, and then
HERMAN AND GEORGE BROWN (singing together)
You give them dark money
It’ll make sure our future is bright.
With all that dark money
Honey, you’ll find that you win every fight
Suddenly the deepest darkest night
Seems sunny
When you’ve got a lot
Of dark money
GEORGE BROWN
So when the inspectors come
And find you’re leaving scum
In the riverbed, you shake your head
And ask them what sum
Of money it would take to be sure
They feel that the water’s still pure.
INSPECTOR MCCLUSKEY enters
HERMAN AND GEORGE BROWN
Inspector McCluskey!
INSPECTOR MCCLUSKEY
I was shocked, SHOCKED, to find the pH in the riverbed downstream of this dam is at a level toxic to all forms of life!
HERMAN BROWN
Well, here's you're uh...paperwork.
George hands him a huge envelope
INSPECTOR MCCLUSKEY (peeking inside the envelope)
Oh...But uh... even more shocked to find out our pH sensor was broken!
LBJ is seen skulking at the back of the stage, listening in.
HERMAN BROWN
Well, I just can’t get my fill of these
Electrical utilities
The power and the money is insane
GEORGE BROWN
We send payments to our man in
Congress, trusted Buck Buchanan
Who makes sure that every law we break is changed!
Buck Buchanan walks in holding up a bill
BUCK BUCHANAN
Boys, I’ve drafted a bill that will
make it legal to build
your federal dam on state land again.
HERMAN AND GEORGE BROWN
Amazing, my friend!
BUCK BUCHANAN Well, it was really nothing...Oh...I don’t feel so well.
Buck clutches his chest as he has a heart attack
HERMAN BROWN
Buck, what's wrong?!
BUCK BUCHANAN Ah!
Buck collapses. Herman rushes over to feel his pulse, looks slowly back to George
GEORGE BROWN (voice shaking) Buck?
HERMAN BROWN: Don't just stand there George, call a doctor!
HERMAN and GEORGE BROWN
Fuck! (looking at the audience in horror) We’re gonna need a new Buck.
HERMAN BROWN
The one congressman who worked for us is gone. (puts his arm around George)
We’re through, it’s true, my brother.
As Herman sings mournfully, LBJ walks in from the shadows, stepping with a giant over-exaggerated gait over Buck’s carcass to get to the brothers
LBJ Now wait... The game goes on. (pointing at himself and smiling) ...there’s another.
HERMAN AND GEORGE BROWN Who?
LBJ
I’m a candidate for Congress - name’s Johnson
With no revenue stream and I wants one.
I say I’m a liberal but that’s just an act
I’ll take your calls and in fact
I’ll take your...
LBJ & HERMAN & GEORGE BROWN Dark money
HERMAN BROWN (to Johnson) It’ll make sure your future is bright.
LBJ & HERMAN & GEORGE BROWN
With all that dark money
Honey, you’ll find that you win every fight
Suddenly the deepest darkest night
Seems sunny
LBJ
When I’ve got
LBJ & HERMAN & GEORGE BROWN
A lot of
RFK emerges suddenly
RFK
You’re all criminals!
They chase RFK offstage
LBJ & HERMAN & GEORGE BROWN
Dark money.
LBJ (spoken over the outro music)
Now I think we’re gonna get along boys... LBJ walks across the stage back to FDR