LYRICS​

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LBJ:

Men, it would seem

In the senate dream

Of becoming a committee chair.

But the chairs all have dentures

And most have dementia

(Lifts a sleeping senator up by the collar to find him drooling)

They choose you based on how long you’ve been there...(rolls eyes)

 

I’m gonna change that…

 

Men, it’s clear

In the senate fear

One thing above all

Against PROGRESS time and again

these short sighted men

Stand tall.

 

They’ve invented the dreaded filibuster

So they’ve ended the chance of real debate

They gather all the strength they can muster

And stand there blabbering until it’s so late

That all of their colleagues have left them

And there’s no chance the bill will pass

Once they’ve blocked cloture

There’s nothing to vote for

These people just sit on their ass!

 

And that’s why

One day I...

 

CHORUS

Will be the kingpin of the senate

And I will never lose or draw

I'll win the marathon, the match and the pennant

I'll turn any bill I want to into a law!

 

I’ll be the kingpin of the senate

And with a word I can make you change your mind

If you think you've got the will

To block my bill

I will scheme and kill

To get it signed.

 

Southerners:

We men of the southern coalition

Have united with a single-minded vision

Of the right of states

To write their own fates

And make their own decisions

 

Southerner #1:

To be able to keep the poll tax

 

Southerner #2:

To enable us to hold back the blacks

 

Southerner #3

From casting votes

What a mess that would be

 

Southerners: (in harmony)

It’s bad enough they’re free.

 

LBJ: (spoken)

Oh Lord...

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You see what I mean

These men have a dream

That Gettysburg can somehow be reversed

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Southerners:

To this dream we hold fast

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LBJ:

With the ghost of their past

This house it seems is cursed.

They’ve blocked bills against lynching

 

Southerner 1:

Such a bill would be inching

us closer to tyranny

 

Southerner 2:

To strike a man down

While we’re standing our ground

Is part of what it means to be free.

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LBJ:

By now it must be plain to see

That I simply have to be...

 

CHORUS

 

The kingpin of the senate

Gotta push all these crazies aside

When it comes to the how and the when

It’s gonna be me who will decide!

 

I’ll be the kingpin of the senate

I will grab you by your lapel

Rules will break and bend

I will fight to the end

If I have to, I’ll send you all to hell!

 

Senators group 1:

Rural lights

And civil rights

Health care and welfare for all

Such are the dreams each president schemes to send to this sacred hall

 

Senators group 2:

Integration in schools!

What more will those fools

Try to ram down our throats?

 

Senators group 3:

Try as they might

Though they campaign and fight

We’ll make sure they just don’t have the votes.

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LBJ:

Hmmnn...

This could be tougher than I thought

Most of these men have already been bought

By interests so vast

That each vote that they cast

Has already been fished for and caught.

But at games like this I’m great.

I just need to offer better bait...

 

Bobby Baker: (Spoken)

Hello senator, can I get you a coffee?

Photocopy something perhaps?

 

LBJ: (Spoken)
Now who the hell are you?

 

Baker: 

I’m a page

An intern.

I’m in high school!

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LBJ:

Hmmnn...

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Baker:

You sure you don’t’ want a coffee?

Senator Collins tends to drink tea

And I think he’s gonna vote yea on the housing bill

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LBJ:

What’d you just say?

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Baker:

You want a coffee?

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LBJ:

No the other thing, the housing bill

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Baker:

Oh! You know, Collins is voting yes.  Smith is planning a filibuster, at least that’s what he said when I was shining his shoes.

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LBJ: 

What’d you say your name was?

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Baker:

Baker.

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LBJ:

Well Mr. Booker –

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Baker:

Baker

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LBJ:

Either way, I’d love a coffee

(Baker nods and begins walking away but LBJ grabs his arm tightly)

And...a few hours of your time!

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LBJ: (to the audience)

This little child no one knows, Bobby Baker.

I see in him a mover and a shaker

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Baker:

Most see a simple fawning page

Over eager, under age

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LBJ:

But I see a real king maker!

I see a boy whose ears are always open

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Baker: The other senators say things best left unspoken

Around me cause they're sure

With motive's plain and pure

I’ll never tell a soul which way they're votin'.

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LBJ:

But I know better and I'll slowly make him mine

I told him he's a son to me and naturally now I'm

Like a dad to him

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Baker:

And I'm glad to bring

you anything you need

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LBJ:

I'm hungry for the dirt my boy, so feed feed feed!

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Baker: 

Yes Mr. J, right away!

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LBJ:

Which senators are here today?

Which ones are in the air?

Who wants a vote without delay

And who just doesn’t care?

Who is off on holiday

Who’s having an affair?

I need to know.

And keep it all on the down low...

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Baker:

With me by your side

They’ll surely decide

To make you the...

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(LBJ and Baker dance)

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LBJ and Baker:

Kingpin of the senate

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LBJ:  A position I've been wishin' I could be

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Baker:

It’s funny how among all these great men it’s

Little old me who'll be the key

to making you the 

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LBJ and Baker: Kingpin of the senate

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Baker: No one reckons that your weapon would be me!

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LBJ and Baker:

And when at last

 

LBJ: My bills all pass

 

Baker:

These big-time senators

 

LBJ: Will kiss my ass

 

Baker: Till your headed to the presidency

 

LBJ and Baker: Yes, no one’s ever seen

A kingpin quite as mean

 

LBJ: As me!