The curtains part to reveal LBJ sitting on a HUGE toilet, with a golden toilet paper dispenser next to him on one side, and a typewriter on a table to the other.   Begins with him alone.

 

LBJ

I’m president!

Finally president!

In my element

It’s almost a surprise

 

All these amenities!

Left by Kennedys (uses a juicer)

While all my enemies are

Gone before my eyes

 

Now what is there to do

But take a moment to

Appreciate the view

From Pennsylvania Ave

In this room so sacred

I can sit here naked

What a kick ass job I have!!!

 

CHORUS

 

Cause I’m on the throne (he’s on the throne)

I’m on the throne

Don’t have to be

That lame VP

Oh now I’m home.

The wing I live in is the West

I can take a dump on the Resolute desk,

While I’ve got Leonard Brezhnev on the phone!

(Spoken into the phone: “Nyet!”)

I’m finally sitting on the throne.

 

Let’s help the working class

(Swatting away a well-meaning aide) I’ll wipe my own damn ass!

Let’s get that tax bill passed. 

Cause there’s no time to nap (kicks a tired aide)

 

I’ve got a plan which I

Wrote down on this 2-ply

Let’s see the Chinese try

And figure out this crap. 

 

I thought of Medicare

Right here in my underwear

I shake my derriere and 5 assistants bring

 

The daily briefing to me

I read it while I pee

I’m telling you it’s good to be the king!

  

CHORUS

Cause I’m on the throne

(he’s on the throne)

I’m on the throne

Don’t have to be

That lame VP

Oh now I’m home.

I can take a long walk through the Rose Garden

Give myself a president’s pardon

While The queen of England’s on the phone!

(Spoken into the phone: “Cheerio!”)

I’m finally sitting on the throne.

 

BRIDGE

Have...I...showed...you

Jumbo yet?

It’s something you won’t forget

And if you think I’m touching it while I walk these halls,

You bet!

And even when I’m wiping

The executive booty

I’m always performing my presidential

Duty!!!!

 

Be...cause I’m president

Your ever lovin' President

Now I know what my daddy meant

When he said I could be

 

Something he never was

It’s amazing what passion does

I made it this far because

I could see

 

How every moral line’s

meant to be broken sometimes

And a little turpentine

Can make things clean

 

Now I can really control

The planet from this bowl

I’m telling you the world is my latrine!

 

CHORUS

 

AIDES & LACKIES

Cause he’s on the throne

(I’m on the throne)

He’s on the throne

(Still on the throne!)

Doesn’t have to be

Some lame VP

Oh now he’s home.

He can sign a bill for housing and roads

 

LBJ

Then wipe my ass with the nuclear codes!

 

AIDES & LACKIES

While Charles de Gaulle is holding on the phone!

 

LBJ

(Spoken into the phone)

“Vous et Merde!”

 

I’m finally sitting

 

AIDES & LACKIES

We’re here to do his bidding

 

LBJ 

I govern while I’m shitting!

 

AIDES & LACKIES

He’s finally

sitting

on

the

throne!!!!!!!!