LANDSLIDE LYNDON
Discovery of a secret stash of Soviet nuclear missiles in Cuba brings the United States to the brink of nuclear war. While President Kennedy and Attorney General Robert F Kennedy try to ignore the advice of top generals recommending a full scale attack on Cuba that could lead to nuclear armageddon, Vice President Johnson finds himself marginalized from the discussion. When asked for his opinion, he wavers at first and then comes down hard on the side of the generals, citing the Texan strategy of knocking down a snake quickly before he gets you. But first, he takes a moment to ask Robert McNamara for a bigger plane. While Johnson is on the sidelines, the Kennedy brothers utilize back channels to strike a deal with Khrushchev that will result in the removal of the missiles and allow the Soviets to save face. In what is arguably the Kennedy administration’s finest hour, as the world is saved, Johnson knows he had nothing to do with it. When will he finally make his mark?
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FULL CAST
13 Days 'till Armageddon
13 ways in which we're headin'
For the final phase of life
We'll be dead in
An atomic haze
In only 13 days.
Day one!
LBJ acts as a narrator. He points to JFK
LBJ
10/16/62
Jack's in his pajamas when he gets the news
Our planes in Cuba looking down
Found Soviet missile sites on the ground
JFK
What could I do?
RFK
These bombs in our backyard
JFK
Just couldn't be allowed
MCNAMARA AND RFK
But one wrong move
JOINT CHIEFS
One wrong move
As they sing, LBJ keeps trying to get in, and is pushed out by RFK, Joint Chiefs, etc.
LBJ
And we'd all be living in a mushroom cloud
ALL
Day Two!
LBJ
(pointing at JFK)
He's not sure what to do
ALL
Day Three!
JFK
Gromyko meets with me
Looks at me and with a grin
LBJ
Completely denies the entire thing
MACNAMARA
There's more...
ALL
Day Four!
JOINT CHIEFS
Better bomb their boats, their planes as well
We'll bomb those Cubans straight to Hell!
LBJ
We've got the plans
All ready to go
JOINT CHIEFS AND LBJ
Prep for invasion
Let's start the show!
JOINT CHIEFS
(Overlapping RFK and JFK's "mushroom cloud" stanza)
Gotta show 'em how strong we are
LBJ
They'll wish they still had a Czar
JOINT CHIEFS
They'll fear our might near and far
Can't back down. Can't back down
Even if we're all living in a mushroom cloud
RFK AND JFK
But we all lose if we fight, don't you see?
We're steps away from World War Three
LBJ
Now listen boys, I've got a plan that -
JFK
That's great, Lyndon. Why don't you bring that back to us in 13 days...
JFK shuts door in LBJ's face. He pauses, shrugs and turns and walks down the hall, bumping into McNamara.
LBJ
Say McNamara
I'd like a bigger plane
MCNAMARA
Lyndon, I'm not sure this is the right time
LBJ
I know there's a lot going on
I don't mean to be a pain
MCNAMARA
Year, I mean we're kind of at the brink of destruction here, sir. I -
LBJ
But Air Force Two
Feels more like Air Force Nine
MCNAMARA
Mr. Vice President, we are in the midst of an unprecedented situation, I-
LBJ
What - is this a bad time?
MCNAMARA AND EVERYONE ELSE ON STAGE
Yes!!
ALL
Day Five!
JFK
And I fear for out lives.
RFK
Where this will lead, no one can tell.
JFK AND RFK
Gotta give them time.
LBJ
Gotta give them hell!
JFK
So we choose something in between
War and peace: a quarantine
We stop their ships if they reach our line
MCNAMARA AND RFK
No more missiles getting in
But no one's dyin'
ALL
Day Six!
JOINT CHIEFS
Sir, we've moved in ships
And our planes over there
could bomb them from the air
But with so many missiles,
In one bombing run
MACNAMARA
There's no guarantee we'd get every one
JFK AND RFK
And even if only one gets through...
JOINT CHIEFS
Even if only one gets through
LBJ
We're through!
ALL
Seventh Day!
JFK
I get on TV to say
To the world what we've seen
And explain the quarantine
But LBJ and his team
Keep pushing me
To fight
And by night
We're at...
ALL
DEFCON Three!
Day Eight!
RFK
Most Russian ships head straight
Back home
MCNAMARA
But wait - Day Nine!
We're running out of time
RFK
The end is near I fear
LBJ
(pointing)
And here's the Soviet Premier...
KHRUSHCHEV AND HIS GENERALS
Mr. President, our missiles
I know that you hate 'em
But you're playing with Fire
With this ultimatum
A mistake's been made but it's you who've made it
Russia will not be intimidated
This will end in smoke from New York to Kiev!
Sincerely yours, Nikita Khrushchev.
ALL
13 days 'til Armageddon
13 ways in which we're headin'
For the final phase of the planet
Dammit
Can it be the end of days?
The final phase?
A nuclear haze?
In 13 days.
Day 10!
MCNAMARA AND RFK
Men, we're at DEFCON Two!
LBJ
Day Eleven and Khrushchev and a pen in the night.
The lights go out. We see a spotlight on Khrushchev writing/narrating at a desk, a shoe in one hand and pen in the other
KHRUSHCHEV
This letter I write:
KHRUSHCHEV
Mr. Kennedy, this'll
Be a one time offer I'm afraid:
We'll remove all our Cuban missiles
If you promise never to invade
ALL
Day Twelve!
JFK
Ah hell!
That letter was good
But now he's sent another!
RFK
What's it say, my brother?
JFK stretches out his hand with the letter
JFK
He wants us to remove all our Jupiter Missiles in Turkey
Nothing could be stupider
JFK AND RFK
This'll be proof that we can be extorted
A reputation like that - we can't afford it!
The following three sections are sung in harmony
JFK & KHRUSHCHEV
What can I do?
These bombs in our backyard
Just can't be allowed
But one wrong move
Just one wrong move
And we'd all be living in a mushroom cloud
JOINT CHIEFS
Gotta show 'em how strong we are
They'll wish they were still in the hands of a czar
They'll fear our might near and far
Can't back down
Can't back down
Even if we're all living in a mushroom cloud
LBJ AND AIDES
Don't act like a pussy, you must give that fucker hell
We're Texas and we're proud
Even if we're living in a mushroom cloud.
JFK
Bobby, gather everyone in the ExComm group in the Oval. We've gotta make a decision.
RFK
Everyone?
JFK
Almost. Do not invite Johnson
We're trying to stop a war and he wants one
JFK, RFK and the Joint Chiefs gather in the Oval Office. Johnson walks to the side of the stage
JFK
Alright I'm ignoring
The second letter
The first one Khrushchev sent was better
So I'll agree we never invade
And in exchange we're repaid
JFK AND RFK AND MCNAMARA
With those missiles gone right away
JFK
And we'll all live to see another day
RFK crosses the stage to meet with the Russian Foreign Minister
ALL
Day Thirteen!
JFK AND RFK AND MCNAMARA
Thanks to the quarantine
Russia announces they're backing down
Taking their missiles and skipping town
JFK AND RFK
It's our finest moment
Our finest hour
We stared down a superpower
JFK, RFK AND MCNAMARA
Kept our people safe and sure
Did it without waging war
ALL
It's our finest moment
Our finest day
LBJ
(grouchy/eye rolling)
Made a hero out of JFK
ALL
And in our finest hour
RFK
We kept our nation safe and free
LBJ
(slowly)
And nobody
ALL
Nobody gave a damn.
LBJ
Nobody gave a damn about me