Landslide Lyndon
What the Hell is the Presidency For?
LBJ, Lady Bird, Bill Moyers, Zephyr
© 2024 Marc Dinkin and Kenny Shea Dinkin
Dick Russell storms into the oval office, furious that LBJ has now announced his intentions to pass a sweeping civul rights bill. Johnson had won his favor by convincing him he was just talking up civil rights to get the liberals on his side, but his true intentions were now clear. Johnson responds by informing his segregationist friend that the joke was now on him, and goes on to describe his intentions for a Great Society, with programs aimed a helping the most vulnerable in society.
LYRICS
THE OVAL OFFICE. SPRING 1964. DAY
Curtain up on Dick Russell yelling at LBJ.
RUSSELL
A real Civil Rights bill? You were the great Southern hope. We were counting on you, Lyndon!
LBJ
Well, Dick, I guess this time
LBJ punctuates his next words with hard pokes to Russell's chest.
LBJ
The joke's on you
RUSSELL
Joke? Don't you, "well Dick" me!
What happened to you just pretending you were ending segregation?
You can't help those people
LBJ
Those people are my people
And if you opened your eyes, you'd realize
They're your people too.
They are American people
Just like me and you
And if I can't help them, well then what the hell's the Presidency for?!
LBJ
What are we gonna tackle first boys?
MOYERS
Well, right now the poor can’t afford to see a doctor before
they fall to the floor like flies.
LBJ AND CREW
Medicaid!
REEDY
And you seldom see the elderly get an EKG till one of them dies.
LBJ AND CREW
Medicare!
ZEPHYR
And the kids at school get a drop of gruel
And maybe a half a ding Dong
LBJ AND CREW
Head start!
LADY BIRD
Because the farmers grow so little that all the vegetables are gone
LBJ AND CREW
Farm act!
LBJ
When the naysayers say “nay,” say you’re gonna stay
And kick in the door.
Cause what the hell (all: what the hell!)
What the hell (what the hell!)
Yeah what the hell else is the presidency for?
Senator Harry Byrd enters
LBJ
Senator Byrd!
SENATOR HARRY BYRD
This bill is absurd
You lower taxes while we’re in debt!
LBJ
Harry, carry on, but you don’t know my whole plan yet!
BYRD
What’s that?
LBJ leans menacingly into Byrd, forcing him to lean backwards and grab on to the wall
LBJ
Well it’s just that I got your budget down
I did it by firing half this town
Now I fulfilled my pledge to you -
You gonna let our tax bill through?!
BYRD
(afraid for his life) OK! OK!
LBJ
With the tax bill teed up, now I’m freed up
Civil rights can head to the floor!
Cause what the hell (what the hell!)
What the hell (what the hell!)
Yeah what the hell else is the presidency for?
It’s for…
MOYERS
Upward Bound. Head Start
LADY BIRD
PBS and NPR. (With a puppet of Big Bird)
REEDY
Job Corps, Peace Corps.
ZEPHYR
Food stamps for the poor.
LBJ
On poverty, I declare a war
And there’s so much more. We got…
REEDY
Legal Services for every neighborhood
MOYERS
Clean air - let nature feels like nature should
LBJ
Law enforcement administration
LADY BIRD
Three bills for education
ZEPHYR AND LADY BIRD
Immigrant family reunification
ALL
There’s nothing we can’t do as a nation
Senator Howard Smith walks
LBJ
Senator Smith!
SMITH
I’m gonna kill this civil right bill
I will keep it locked up in committee
LBJ
I convinced the house to vote without
Your shitty committee - What a pity!
SMITH
What?
REEDY, MOYERS, BIRD AND ZEPHYR
He made deals in a complex game of chess
LBJ:
(To Smith) Now even your mother is voting yes!
SMITH
What??
LBJ
(Turns to one senator) I’ll support your base
(Turns to another senator) I’ll support your dam
(To the audience) Hell I’ll build them both with my own hands!
When the segregationists
Soil this nation it’s
Time to go to war
Cause what the hell…
What the hell
What the hell else is the presidency for?